Hey Millie, Congrats on being 100 years old. Congrats on going to a Vikings game. Congrats on your 15 minutes of fame because honestly Millie.. It’s over. This Sunday I hope we ruin your life. Yeah I mean that. I dont care that you’re 100 years old, I dont care how much you pretend to care about the Vikings. I am 26 years old, and this means way more to me than it does to you. This means everything to me. You dont really have much left to live for. If the Eagles lose this Sunday and i have to go another 8 months waiting for football another 8 months saying, next year I am going to die. I am going to just up and die. Win or lose you dont have many memories to carry with you, It doesnt matter as much for you, how long will that memory last? A day? a week? I’ll have a lifetime for that memory and I aint planning on going another lifetime with another NFC title game loss. So Millie Im going to treat you like any other Vikings fan, man, woman, child, young and old a like.
I dont wish you luck, I wish you heartbreak this Sunday. I wish you pain and torment for a 60 minute game. I wish you nothing but the worst. I want you to lose, I want it to hurt, I want you to live another 100 years never getting this close. I dont want you to enjoy Vikings football this Sunday or any Sunday, I hope you never win a superbowl and your fan base doesnt either. This isnt personal this is business.
Stay the hell away form this game Millie. You want no parts of this city. Thats a warning. We eat good hearted mid-western people like you alive for breakfast. Ageism dont exist here. Purple people eaters my green ass. I thought Vikings fans were all about the team Millie is all about Millie. Shes got two “i’s” and “me” right in her name that self centered egotistical monster. I think i even hate her.
As i said before, its not personal is business, and this Sunday its all business at the Linc. E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!
I Like this guy though. All about Phil the thrill.
It’s here. Today is the day The Eagles take on the Falcons and nobody is giving the 13-3 Eagles the number 1 seed, the number one ranked run D, the number 1 ranked red zone offense a chance to win this game. They are 3 point underdogs at home. In fact they might as well not even play today. Whats the point. Carson Wentz isnt playing, Oh but i forgot he hasnt played in 3 weeks. Jason Peters isnt playing. Oh yeah i forgot he hasnt played in 9 weeks, and after he got hurt everyone said we were done. Darren Sproles isnt playing. But right again he hasnt played in 12 weeks. And when he got hurt they said the offense was no longer dynamic. No big deal they just started putting up 30+ a game after that. Jordan Hicks isnt playing. Wait you mean to tell me he also hasnt played in 9 weeks and when he went down they said the D lost the Carson Wentz of the defense. No big deal they became the number one ranked rushing defense in the NFL. But, Why… Why even take the field. WE CANT WIN!! Thats what they are all saying. As Kyle Brandt said on NFL network, The Eagles are looking up the staircase at the critics who are saying, The Falcons are to fast, they are too good, you dont have Carson Wentz ITS OVER!!!! Dont you read the newspapers YOU CANT WIN!!!
(If previous video is still playing press stop for further dramatic effect)
And this is what it comes down too. The real life Rocky story. And we have said it before and we’ll say it again in the future but now more than ever. WHY NOT US!? This team has heart this team has everything. They’ve lost role players and stars and Jesus reincarnated himself as Carson Wentz and even he is gone. But thats why any given Sunday (Saturday) Someone can rise up and take it. Someone can rise up and win it. Someone can rise up and be a hero. Why cant that be us! It can be and it will be.
This game isnt for the big guy. This isnt for Goliath. This game is for the underdog, the little guy, the guy who gets pushed around the guy that gets told hes not big enough, or fast enough or strong enough. This is for us, we are the underdogs. The guy that gets spit on thrown to the side like garbage. This is for him. This isnt for dynastys or legacy, this is for that one in a million, this is for those kids who beat the Soviets, for the guys at Nova who were told they couldnt beat Georgetown. This is for the man who was wronged by city hall and thinks he cant win. This is for the man who was wrongly fired from his job and is afraid to fight back. This is for that woman who is afraid to speak out because she thinks the task is too tall. This is for all of them.
They want to call our team trash, fine. They want to call the city trash, fine. They love to call us the fans trash, good. FUCK EM! We dont need them and they dont want us. They dont want us strolling into Minnesota like white walkers taking over, creating havoc, they dont want that. They want the clean cut nice guys. Well we arent clean cut and we aint nice. We are the neanderthal with hairy arms a raised brow, a giant club the big forearms and a keg for a gut instead of abs.
We arent a pretty boy like Tom Brady, we have grit we are grit, its in our DNA its apart of who we are, We wake up at 5am put our hard hats on take our lunch pails into work and we dont complain about it, we just do it. We upset the balance between good and evil. We arent good we arent evil we are the anti hero. We stand up for what is right, and we do a whole bunch of wrong while we’re at it. The world needs us so they can feel better about themselves. They can say… There is that trash Philadelphia again running a muck. But you know what scares them. We are running a muck, and now we are at the gates of heaven after escaping hell, now we are knocking on the door yelling looking for a fight. And for the people in the back say it loud and proud for me one time.
THIS IS OUR TIME! THIS IS OUR CITY! THIS IS OUR YEAR! E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!
There is nothing on this planet like being an Eagles fan. I know what the non Eagles fans are saying already. We are losers, we are scumbags, we’re trash, we have no rings, I already know what you’re gonna say before you say it. But wanna know something… Its true.
We are losers. We are such god damn losers that no matter what happens we are going to go into next season and say “This is it, this is our year” and this team can be 0-6 going into week 7 and we will come up with scenarios and ways to make the playoffs because we have to believe. So yeah, we are losers and im ok with it. We may talk down on them, we may hate them but god damn we love this team.
We are scumbags and trash and I love that too. We are raw and crazy and outlandish and YOU are afraid to walk into our stadium with your teams colors on. YOU are afraid to come in here and root for your team. And some of that isnt fair to us, people go into a 49ers stadium and die or end up paralyzed but if you think we are such trash and scum you have a fear of coming here.. Good. Im sure youll tell us on twitter that we have no rings, and feel good about your 1993 superbowl and good on you, but i know you wont come into are house and say that, because we live in the mud, and you cant survive in the mud.
Now its 2017 and the Philadelphia Eagles went from projected 8-8 to 11-2 and NFC East champs, superbowl favorites and just as things got good.. Carson Wentz tears his ACL, plays 4 more plays and throws a TD on 4th down for his team. As a city it hurts. We were ready to go all the way. We believed. We watched and we watched and this team got better every week. Now it hurts. Once again we are drowning looking for air, wishing it was a bad dream wanting to wake up soon, asking god why, texting our friends, tweeting searching for answers, but they’ll never come. It’s not a dream Carson Wentz tore his ACL, he will miss the rest of the season, we will make the playoffs and probably lose our first playoff game. But you know what… It’s ok.
This team is apart of our family here. You can live in Virginia or Philadelphia, South Jersey or California and its all the same. This team these fans are family. We dont always agree, sometimes we fight but we love each other. This year went from our year to a nightmare that we want to wake up from but cant. This year has turned into a great relationship with a beautiful woman (or man) with great sex amazing nights and memories and just like that.. its over. It’s sad but like a family, we will get together we will pick each other up and we will do nothing but… hope. There are no other options.
I can admit i am not the worlds greatest son. My pops and I dont have the best relationship because we are exactly a like. Hard headed and stubborn. But, we always have the Eagles. No matter whats going on win or lose my dad and I can talk for hours about the Birds. 11-2 or 2-11 happy or sad they are a constant in our relationship. I’ll never forget being in 7th grade sitting next to my dad on the couch when McNabb threw that interception to Rodney Harrison in the superbowl. I cried, i put my head in my dads chest and cried. I asked him why and he said “I dont know… but one day.” And now 15 years later Carson Wentz is out for the season and i feel like that 7th grader that wants to put his head on his dads chest and cry just so I can hear “I dont know.. but one day” Thats what the Eagles are for me. They are a connection between my father and I. For you that may be a memory of someone from your passed. A friend, a grandparent, maybe a girl you brought to the game for a date once. A lot of us have grandparents no longer here that we miss and will never get to see a superbowl, some of us think of them. For me its my father, I know the day it comes to say goodbye to him, I’ll place an Eagles jersey next to him and hopefully a newspaper of the day the Eagles won it all, but a million rings wont make me forget that moment crying on his chest when he made me believe.
They have a meaning that goes beyond football. They have a meaning that goes beyond sport. I love the Philadelphia Eagles for that. They make me cry they make me happy, they give me joy, they bring me tears. But I love them.
Its so rare that something can make you feel so emotional and so raw the way the Eagles can. I am sure im not the only person that can say the Eagles have brought them closer to a parent, a family member or a friend. But thats how it is here. This team for better or worse is family. And Carson Wentz, Nelson Agholor, Lane Johnson and the rest of that D has gone out and killed themselves for this family, so im not going to give up on them. We are going to get behind Nick Foles, we are going to see what happens because our family needs us, and family always sticks together, and if it doesnt happen, and we lose which we probably will, just remember… One day.
I mean…. Ew. Obviously we know wrestling is scripted but there is some real danger out there. Sid Vicious breaking his leg made me want to puke, I had to look away when I first saw this. I have a question though… Why is this 7 foot mother fucker on the top rope? Get off the top rope Sid! Stay on the ground you aint no rey mysterio lookin fucker you ass hole. Now your leg is more broken then scrambled porn… GROSS!
9. Tyrone Prothro
Tyrone was probably going to be a decent NFL athlete until his ankle decided it was going to shatter like a glass window and never be the same again. He was never a huge star but that will always be gross. It will always make cringe. When your legacy is that one play you snapped your leg, is that good? I wonder if he gets primo box from that
8. Gordon Hayward
This one is recent and real bad. You know how I know its so bad? You can hear his leg snap in the video!!! You actually can hear the leg break! Impressive microphones though, thats got to be a selling point right? “Our mics are so good you can hear a leg snap” Hey im no marketer but… $$$$$
7. Clint Malarchuck
I dont have a ton to say on this…. Its GROSS!!! And scary the only one on here that makes me really truly sad…
Lets watch the video
6. Paul George
is this Mans ankle at 90 degrees?
That is so bad.. sooo so oooooo ooooo sooooo sooo BAD!!!! Its actually amazing hes ok, He’s still having a great career doing big things good for him, but thats just so terrible.
5. Zack Miller
This is an insult to injury type of injury. This was a caught pass that was actually called a drop… But look at this guys leg!!! LOOK AT THAT!!! WHAT THE HELL!!! Is he doing the stanky leg? Not to mention he almost lost his leg, not joking they almost amputated his leg. RIP Zack Miller
4. This Fuckin Guy
Not sure who he is but his arm appears broken as fuuuuuck
For sure broken.
3. Joe Theismann
One of the more famous injuries in the history of sport. Its so bad that its still talked about. The video is gross LT’s reaction is shocking. It’s hard to not cringe when you see it. RIP to that leg.
2. Willis McGahee
Many who know me know I am a big time Miami Hurricane fan so this one is personal. Much like Theismann its very iconic. When you talk about injuries you talk about this one… His knee just went in the wrong direction and its vomit worthy. This man should have won the heisman that year, could have been a top 10 pick and should have been one of the best, somehow he became a first round pick and had a decent career in the NFL, but that leg bending like that…. ew.
1. Kevin Ware
Without a doubt…. The worst. His teammates reactions, the opposing team reacting. The bone PENETRATING his skin like a (insert sex joke here) It’s awful. And will forever be engrained in our brains
Porn and more so free porn is what the internet was built on. Sure there is a lot of social justice bozos out there that think sex and men and naked women are inherently evil, but thats because they suck. They have sad lives and have never had friends, so they all get together to be apart of something, and that something is anti fun. They dont really care about anything else, they just need a squad to join…
However, this isnt about that, this is about the worst things in porn, even something as great as free porn can sometimes have negatives. I had my opinions on this when I was younger, but now that I have a real life, my opinion has changed.
Here are your top 10 worst things about porn.
10. It takes too long to find a good one
Porn may be free, there may be thousands upon hundreds of thousands of videos all over the internet, but once you start looking you start to fall down the rabbit hole of depraved, dirty, disgusting acts of sex that would make the most deranged man or woman (woman watch porn dont deny it) blush. It always starts small, you type “Blonde Milf” in the search bar at 9am on a saturday morning, thinking lets knock out a quick one. Next you’re three websites from where you started and you’re watching a woman tied up to a pole with circulation being cut off to her extremities with 4 guys standing around here, you dont know how you got here all of a sudden its 2pm your sweating no clue where your day went and you hate yourself.
I hate ads. They are the WORST. You find a video you like on a website you usually attend and you see it in the corner, “Grow your dick 7 inches with this easy trick CLICK HERE” Listen.. I would love too, but cant you just tell me the secret right there? Why do I have to click, help me out my dude and give me the damn secret.
8. Lack of story line
I like a story line. I want to know whats going on. I need to know the connection the why the how. When you shower at your girlfriends house and her mom comes in without knowing and looks at your appendage and just gets down on her knees and takes on the daunting task, i hate it. Thats not real… She would run away in shock and you would go apologize and talk and create a connection, maybe she would tell you about something in her passed and you would connect from it and shared a passion filled kiss. Im no director but give me some realism in my porn, give me that.
I like bare back, sue me.
6. My reflection on the screen after
This is the worst one in some cases. You’ve been watching a few things trying to get one out. Right before the video ends as you have it in full screen, you take a deep breath as you reflect on how terrible you are as a person. Screen fades to black. You see yourself, double chin, stomach flab, sweaty, hair messed up, your sheets now feel sticky. Theres two moments in life where you have reflection on yourself. When you get shot and you are dying when you see your reflection after watching porn.
Music is fucking awful. Why do porn producers continue to put music into our porn. Nobody has ever once watched a porn and decided they wanted music. Cut the shit out with the god damn music in porn. Its distracting. There is nothing more annoying then finding a good porn, you like the girl, the thumbnail shows some good positions and.. music, it stinks!
3. Different languages
Maybe the one thing worse than music…. You do the same thing, hover over the thumbnail, girls hot, nice positions this is what we are rocking with and you hear Sprenchen Sie Dick! or some other German words and it ruins it, you dont know whats happening, it’s like coming into saving private ryan 75% of the way in.
2. Dudes looking into the camera
Why does this ever happen. I dont get the point. everythings fine and out of nowhere.. BAM! Zoomed in right on a guys face and its not even like a quick cut, its like 10 seconds, it ruins EVERYTHING. I have to start over get in the mood again find a new video, it throws my day off for a good hour when that happens. Cut that shit out.
1. A non-white dick
I am a white man, and I want to pretend its my penis in said porn. I am not a racist, I have been invited to the cookout, Im just calling it how it is down the middle, plus Diamond Jackson is in my Top 3
For the 3rd time my outhouse has come back to the internet. Back from obscurity, back from death, back to our DOZENS and dozens of readers. Maybe a little older maybe a little wiser, maybe most likely for sure no more Tiff Bannister. Now we are classy, no more porn stars, bad for the brand. But for now, we are back and we are here. too. stay.