Updated: Top 10 Worst Things about Porn

Porn and more so free porn is what the internet was built on.  Sure there is a lot of social justice bozos out there that think sex and men and naked women are inherently evil, but thats because they suck.  They have sad lives and have never had friends, so they all get together to be apart of something, and that something is anti fun.  They dont really care about anything else, they just need a squad to join…

However, this isnt about that, this is about the worst things in porn, even something as great as free porn can sometimes have negatives.  I had my opinions on this when I was younger, but now that I have a real life, my opinion has changed.

Here are your top 10 worst things about porn.

10. It takes too long to find a good one

Porn may be free, there may be thousands upon hundreds of thousands of videos all over the internet, but once you start looking you start to fall down the rabbit hole of depraved, dirty, disgusting acts of sex that would make the most deranged man or woman (woman watch porn dont deny it) blush.  It always starts small, you type “Blonde Milf” in the search bar at 9am on a saturday morning, thinking lets knock out a quick one.  Next you’re three websites from where you started and you’re watching a woman tied up to a pole with circulation being cut off to her extremities with 4 guys standing around here, you dont know how you got here all of a sudden its 2pm your sweating no clue where your day went and you hate yourself.

9. Advertisements 

I hate ads.  They are the WORST.  You find a video you like on a website you usually attend and you see it in the corner, “Grow your dick 7 inches with this easy trick CLICK HERE” Listen.. I would love too, but cant you just tell me the secret right there?  Why do I have to click, help me out my dude and give me the damn secret.

8. Lack of story line

I like a story line.  I want to know whats going on.  I need to know the connection the why the how.  When you shower at your girlfriends house and her mom comes in without knowing and looks at your appendage and just gets down on her knees and takes on the daunting task, i hate it.  Thats not real… She would run away in shock and you would go apologize and talk and create a connection, maybe she would tell you about something in her passed and you would connect from it and shared a  passion filled kiss.  Im no director but give me some realism in my porn, give me that.

7. Condoms

I like bare back, sue me.

6. My reflection on the screen after

This is the worst one in some cases.  You’ve been watching a few things trying to get one out.  Right before the video ends as you have it in full screen, you take a deep breath as you reflect on how terrible you are as a person.  Screen fades to black.  You see yourself, double chin, stomach flab, sweaty, hair messed up, your sheets now feel sticky.  Theres two moments in life where you have reflection on yourself.  When you get shot and you are dying when you see your reflection after watching porn.

5. This

4. Music

Music is fucking awful.  Why do porn producers continue to put music into our porn.  Nobody has ever once watched a porn and decided they wanted music.  Cut the shit out with the god damn music in porn.  Its distracting.  There is nothing more annoying then finding a good porn, you like the girl, the thumbnail shows some good positions and.. music, it stinks!

3. Different languages

Maybe the one thing worse than music…. You do the same thing, hover over the thumbnail, girls hot, nice positions this is what we are rocking with and you hear Sprenchen Sie Dick! or some other German words and it ruins it, you dont know whats happening, it’s like coming into saving private ryan 75% of the way in.

2. Dudes looking into the camera

Why does this ever happen.  I dont get the point.  everythings fine and out of nowhere.. BAM! Zoomed in right on a guys face and its not even like a quick cut, its like 10 seconds, it ruins EVERYTHING.  I have to start over get in the mood again find a new video, it throws my day off for a good hour when that happens.  Cut that shit out.

1. A non-white dick

I am a white man, and I want to pretend its my penis in said porn.  I am not a racist, I have been invited to the cookout, Im just calling it how it is down the middle, plus Diamond Jackson is in my Top 3